20070730

Mild Hurricane Season?

On the Fourth of July, I went public with a request for a "Sign from God" that I had earlier asked God for privately.

Earlier this month I was in Southern California listening to a Christian Radio station where I heard a conversation between two radio show hosts. I am not exactly sure what brought up the topic, but one host seemed to address "signs from God" or "predicting the future" when he stated something like "Hey I can do that as well. I predict that tomorrow the drought for Southern California will continue." "Wow, such confidence" I thought to myself sarcastically. The host predicts the obvious, that which the weather experts themselves predict. Perhaps I would have been impressed if the host had predicted something like "Over the next four weeks, the drought in Southern California will be broken" and this prediction, flying contrary to the predictions of weather experts, turned out to be true.

Anyway, to sharpen the point of the spear that would be driven home if I get my "Sign from God", which would be a mild hurricane season for the continental United States (particularly the east coast) this year, I wish to point out that all the so called weather experts prior to the opening of the hurricane season, predicted an active one for this year. Part of their explanation for last year's mild hurricane season in the Atlantic was the El Nino warm water phenomenon in the eastern Pacific which strengthened unexpectedly. There is no El Nino this year.

Even now, after a weak opening of the season, the experts still predict an active season. (See here) a Reuters piece that appears on the MSNBC website that reports on this.

I only point this out because, now that I have gone public with my request for a sign, if God grants my request, I feel that many, if not most, will dismiss it as being a mere coincidence. Even those who profess strong faith in the existence of God (like the Southern California Christian radio show host) will be dismissive.

I am uncertain if God will grant my request for a sign. If it fits into his will, his plans, perhaps he will do so. Let me explain myself. As unlikely (without the advantage of hindsight) as it is for the Continental United States to have a mild hurricane season, but experience such a result anyway, is just the type of things I have witnessed when I requested "signs from God" over the past several years. I started with requests for specific "improbable" events to happen and progressed to demanding the nearly "impossible" only to have these events happen time and again. With the advantage of hindsight, I guess each of my private requests for a sign, standing by itself, could be dismissed as mere coincidence; however when I put the multiple times that which I asked for occurred, it would indeed be delusional for me to dismiss it all as just an amazing string of coincidences.

So this time instead of asking for a private sign, I am asking for one in public. I struggle with understanding why God would grant me signs (proof) that he exists while he denies such proof to others. There is nothing special or "holy" about me that I can identify that would make me more worthy of such extraordinary attention from the Lord then any other human being. I am indeed a wretched example of a man. Is God attempting to motivate me towards some special plan he has for my life? Does He expect some action from me in return for the extraordinary proof provided that He exists?

So by "going public" I am attempting to put God on the spot. If he has special expectations from me I do not think I can achieve these expectations without his help. With God's help, well, the preachers preach that all things are possible. I am asking God to help me to achieve that which he seems to expect of me. Even with God's help, I do not think my task will be easy, however it then might be within the realm of possibility.

Absent this sign, perhaps God still has expectations of me, however perhaps these expectations are not as enormous as I now feel they might be. Perhaps the reason He has granted me "special attention" is that I am especially worthy of pity or something. Perhaps He only wants to motivate me to live a "good" life and nothing more. I think that I can achieve, as long as He does not expect "perfection" out of me or something - grin.

20070704

Sign From God - Strike Two

Sign From God - Strike Two.

OK people. I have to admit my (you will have to take me at my word) amazing record for getting "Signs from God" might be at an end.

I can not say that every time I asked for a "Sign from God" I received one. However my "batting average" was pretty phenominal. I can honestly claim that it hovered somewhere near .950 (or 95%). And never prior to yesterday did I swing and miss twice in a row.

In the past, after failing to receive a "Sign", my confidence in the existence of God was in danger. So I would retreat back to "Lord, if you exist, then give me a sign." That always worked in the past. But yesterday, even this sure fire method was fruitless. God almost seemed to toy with me as he proved to me time and again it was possible for Him to grant my demand and almost teased me with my sign just being outside my grasp.

When it became obvious that I was not going to receive my sign, I changed my "demand" for a sign to a "request" (or prayer) for an outcome I desired. Even here God toyed with me before finally granting my request.

Now I think I have learned a lesson. My second request for a sign (to prove that He existed) really wasn't necessary. My failure to receive a sign twice in a row (even after I retreated back to the "sure fire" method) can not convince me that God does not exist.

I am not going to go into this too deeply. In the first "strike" I asked God for approval (encouragement) to pursue a certain course of action. Now failure to receive this sign might have only been God telling me "NO". I have to admit, what I proposed was extremely foolish. Some might have even described the course of action I proposed to God as being "insane". I was looking for God's encouragement to be downright crazy.

God said no.

So I fell back on mister "sure fire" to prove to me He really meant what He said. One way or another I was going to get a sign.

Every time, prior to yesterday, when I demanded a "Sign" from God to only prove he existed, I was successful. If that had been necessary this last time, I think it too would have been successful. But the truth is that I have to deal with reality. Even with the absence of receiving a sign due to my most recent demand, I can not "finally admit" God does not exist. It would have been impossible for me to have received all the Signs I was granted, in prior instances, if God does not exist. My "batting average" (or I guess it is really God's batting average) is still just too phenomenal to be mere coincidence.

Now I have decided I am going to put God on the spot. I have normally requested my signs very privately (although there are a couple of exceptions). Dangling in the wind is "Strike Three". (Three times and you are Out!) Since I have been unsuccessful twice in a row, I have no confidence that I will receive this sign. I would not even dare ask for it now, since my confidence is shaken, but this "demand" was placed some time back. Since it is out there, I am going to go public with it. Will I receive my sign or will I finally strike out?

I have struggled with why God has provided me with those signs he has given me. Does he expect something, some action, from me? Why am I special? God does not grant Signs to most people. Out of all those that ask for signs, why did He pick me to receive not just one, but many? Does he have expectations of me? In return for the confidence ("Yeah though I walk through the valley...") I am supposed to do something?

The sign I am waiting for is that America does not suffer from hurricanes during this current hurricane season, or at least not more then perhaps a couple mild level "one" storms. Now understand that all the meteorological experts have predicted at least an above average hurricane season this year. They have explanations (which make sense to me) for why last year's season was mild for America, and for why this is not going to happen this season.

I am not going to go into why I was not surprised by the mild hurricane season last year. I have my own explanation, but I am going to keep that private.

I am putting God to the test. If there is something special about me, if God has unreasonable expectations of me, this next hurricane season is going to be mild for the United States of America.

In my reasoning, if God has "unreasonable expectations" from me, he is going to have to provide proof that what he expects of me is possible. If he does not meet my "demand" I am not going to cease believing in God. However, I am going to stop worrying about what I am supposed to do in return.

God gave me my signs. If He expects something from me in return, I am putting him on the spot. I know God exists and that heaven awaits (unless I somehow screw up royally). Now, does he expect something from me?

If I get my sign, I am still under the yoke. If I fail to receive this last sign, I am freed from the yoke. I can live out the rest of my life free from the burden of trying to figure out how to repay God for rewarding me with proof that he exists.

Then why did God provide me with the signs if He did not expect something from me in return? I guess then it was only because He particularly pitied me. I guess then I am just so pitiful that I merited special attention from God.

Publicly I say this prayer: "Lord, if you want me to "Save the World" or something I need my sign. If I fail to receive this sign, which I now make public, I am saying it is impossible for me to do it. If you put a yoke on me with unreasonable expectations, I need your help. Do not make me chafe under the yoke. Lord, many will proclaim that I am just insane even if I receive this sign. I am willing to defy their judgement in the face of yours. Lord help me. I cry out to you. Have mercy on your poor servant."

If I do not receive the Lord's help, I am freed from the yoke by my reasoning. Now I only need to deal with the wrath of God if by putting Him on the spot I have angered Him. I am shaking my fist in the face of the fury of God.

Lord, if you have expectations from me that I, as a mere human, think are unreasonable, I ask for your help. If you give me the sign, I am willing to sacrifice everything.