Sign From God - Strike Two

Sign From God - Strike Two.

OK people. I have to admit my (you will have to take me at my word) amazing record for getting "Signs from God" might be at an end.

I can not say that every time I asked for a "Sign from God" I received one. However my "batting average" was pretty phenominal. I can honestly claim that it hovered somewhere near .950 (or 95%). And never prior to yesterday did I swing and miss twice in a row.

In the past, after failing to receive a "Sign", my confidence in the existence of God was in danger. So I would retreat back to "Lord, if you exist, then give me a sign." That always worked in the past. But yesterday, even this sure fire method was fruitless. God almost seemed to toy with me as he proved to me time and again it was possible for Him to grant my demand and almost teased me with my sign just being outside my grasp.

When it became obvious that I was not going to receive my sign, I changed my "demand" for a sign to a "request" (or prayer) for an outcome I desired. Even here God toyed with me before finally granting my request.

Now I think I have learned a lesson. My second request for a sign (to prove that He existed) really wasn't necessary. My failure to receive a sign twice in a row (even after I retreated back to the "sure fire" method) can not convince me that God does not exist.

I am not going to go into this too deeply. In the first "strike" I asked God for approval (encouragement) to pursue a certain course of action. Now failure to receive this sign might have only been God telling me "NO". I have to admit, what I proposed was extremely foolish. Some might have even described the course of action I proposed to God as being "insane". I was looking for God's encouragement to be downright crazy.

God said no.

So I fell back on mister "sure fire" to prove to me He really meant what He said. One way or another I was going to get a sign.

Every time, prior to yesterday, when I demanded a "Sign" from God to only prove he existed, I was successful. If that had been necessary this last time, I think it too would have been successful. But the truth is that I have to deal with reality. Even with the absence of receiving a sign due to my most recent demand, I can not "finally admit" God does not exist. It would have been impossible for me to have received all the Signs I was granted, in prior instances, if God does not exist. My "batting average" (or I guess it is really God's batting average) is still just too phenomenal to be mere coincidence.

Now I have decided I am going to put God on the spot. I have normally requested my signs very privately (although there are a couple of exceptions). Dangling in the wind is "Strike Three". (Three times and you are Out!) Since I have been unsuccessful twice in a row, I have no confidence that I will receive this sign. I would not even dare ask for it now, since my confidence is shaken, but this "demand" was placed some time back. Since it is out there, I am going to go public with it. Will I receive my sign or will I finally strike out?

I have struggled with why God has provided me with those signs he has given me. Does he expect something, some action, from me? Why am I special? God does not grant Signs to most people. Out of all those that ask for signs, why did He pick me to receive not just one, but many? Does he have expectations of me? In return for the confidence ("Yeah though I walk through the valley...") I am supposed to do something?

The sign I am waiting for is that America does not suffer from hurricanes during this current hurricane season, or at least not more then perhaps a couple mild level "one" storms. Now understand that all the meteorological experts have predicted at least an above average hurricane season this year. They have explanations (which make sense to me) for why last year's season was mild for America, and for why this is not going to happen this season.

I am not going to go into why I was not surprised by the mild hurricane season last year. I have my own explanation, but I am going to keep that private.

I am putting God to the test. If there is something special about me, if God has unreasonable expectations of me, this next hurricane season is going to be mild for the United States of America.

In my reasoning, if God has "unreasonable expectations" from me, he is going to have to provide proof that what he expects of me is possible. If he does not meet my "demand" I am not going to cease believing in God. However, I am going to stop worrying about what I am supposed to do in return.

God gave me my signs. If He expects something from me in return, I am putting him on the spot. I know God exists and that heaven awaits (unless I somehow screw up royally). Now, does he expect something from me?

If I get my sign, I am still under the yoke. If I fail to receive this last sign, I am freed from the yoke. I can live out the rest of my life free from the burden of trying to figure out how to repay God for rewarding me with proof that he exists.

Then why did God provide me with the signs if He did not expect something from me in return? I guess then it was only because He particularly pitied me. I guess then I am just so pitiful that I merited special attention from God.

Publicly I say this prayer: "Lord, if you want me to "Save the World" or something I need my sign. If I fail to receive this sign, which I now make public, I am saying it is impossible for me to do it. If you put a yoke on me with unreasonable expectations, I need your help. Do not make me chafe under the yoke. Lord, many will proclaim that I am just insane even if I receive this sign. I am willing to defy their judgement in the face of yours. Lord help me. I cry out to you. Have mercy on your poor servant."

If I do not receive the Lord's help, I am freed from the yoke by my reasoning. Now I only need to deal with the wrath of God if by putting Him on the spot I have angered Him. I am shaking my fist in the face of the fury of God.

Lord, if you have expectations from me that I, as a mere human, think are unreasonable, I ask for your help. If you give me the sign, I am willing to sacrifice everything.


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